You Frogging Beauty!!

Last night, partner-in-comedy-crime Pete Thompson and I went to a club in Manchester called the Frog and Bucket for their infamous 'Beat the Frog' gong show. It was great.

Just so you know, the gong show is something of a circus of horrors for new acts, where the comedian gets up to 5 minutes to impress an audience of punters baying for blood. Three audience members get a card, and once all cards go up, a gong is sounded, the comedian gets told he/ she is rubbish and should just go and live in a box under a railway bridge. If you get through your 5 minutes, it goes to a good old fashioned clap off with the other gong-beaters to determine a winner.

Now these are not edifying experiences, you are opening yourself to public ridicule. Take it from me, a three hour drive for less than a minute on stage to a bunch of drunkards shouting abuse is no fun. No fun at all.

I have to say, Beat the frog has a reputation as a lovely gig, but there are plenty of normal reasonable comics out there who don't beat it that much. This is always a worry, and I was bricking myself. I shouldn't have. The reason a lot of people in Manc don't beat it is because they use it to try out new material, some times it flies, sometimes it don't. Simple. I pulled out some new material to give it a little try, and it all worked out nicely.

Pete won the thing, which entitles him to an open spot - another 3 hour drive there and back, this time with no one to share the petrol costs. Such is the life of the open spot comedian. At least at the other gongs you get cash!

I lasted my 5 minutes, and I swelled with pride when I went up at the end and 2 guys from the back shouted 'It's definitely the fat lad in the tie'. Marvellous.

I will now of course be spending the next few months explaining how I should have won, and Pete only beat me due to momentary deafness on the part of the MC.